I’ve been looking at things from a worldly perspective for too long. I realised this a few months ago, and with that came the lightning bolt that told me I had to make a change.
My wife, whom I love very dearly, is seriously ill. This has been going on since March, and whilst I’ve been writing here about health and prosperity I couldn’t understand what was going on in my own life. Her health has deteriorated despite my belief and prayers that I know God’s atonement buys us healing. Our finances have been depleted massively, we lost our business, and for several months now we have been largely supported by our family, despite knowing God’s plan was different than our reality.
In short I have felt for months like I was drowning, which is a big part of why it’s been a few weeks since I wrote here.
Then I found a recording online by Andrew Wommack that I used to have a few years ago about becoming a “water walker”.
I’ve been meditating on this for several weeks now, and as I started to really listen to it with my heart instead of my ears things started to change.
Drowning is not a pleasant experience. A few years ago while I was at the beach with some friends we swam out to a buoy in the sea and back. It was great fun, and so a few hours later – after the tide had been coming in for some time – we swam out again. Unfortunately for me, I was too fat and unhealthy (and stubborn) to make it now the distance was almost twice what it was the first time we made the trip. The tide was against me, and by the time I was alomst at the buoy I knew I was in trouble. Not enough strength to turn back, and the shoreline getting further from me. Somehow I made it to the buoy, but barely had the strength to hold on to it.
I knew I was going to die.
Thankfully, the friends I was with also realised this. They were able to get the attention of a lifeguard stationed on the beach with a boat. They helped me hold on to the buoy, then get my terminally exhausted self into the boat. By the time they got me in to it I’d taken more than one breath with my face in the water. It was not good.
Emotionally this year has been much the same as that afternoon on the beach. Over my head, and no possibility of saving myself.
Peter had that experience in Matthew 14. The waves were swamping the boat, the disciples were drowning, and Jesus noncholantly walks towards them on top of the very thing killing them. Peter did something I didn’t fully grasp until I really listened with my Heart to Andrew’s teaching on the passage.
Peter called to Jesus, and walked on the water to Him. I always remembered that Peter sank. I always remembered that Peter failed. It never occurred to me that Peter had walked most of the distance to Jesus before he started to sink, but when Jesus took his hand there is no indication that Jesus then slung Peter over his shoulder to get back to the boat. Jesus and Peter walked back.
Peter refocussed on Jesus and was able to walk again on the very thing that would otherwise kill him. As soon as I began to understand this, and I in no way claim that I’ve got it completely nailed, things began to change. I got out of the boat.
In my last post I touched on this. Doors began to open for me that ought to be closed here. I am a white, male, mono-lingual immigrant to South Africa. I should be unemployable. God has opened doors according to my faith in Him. As my understanding of how God works has increased and I have been able to stop limiting His power in me in certain areas of my life.
More accurately, I have begun to understand that it is not so much that I need more faith, but that I need to have less unbelief. Peter didn’t stop believing in Jesus’s power to let him walk on water, but he allowed his fears and doubts to overwhelm him as he saw the wind and the waves again. As I have focussed on Him again, Jesus has lifted me up and empowered me as I have allowed Him to.
It is almost impossible to lift yourself out of a bad situation. Especially when you’re drowning. But God can. One word from God can lift you out of your circumstances and place you on top of them. We are more than conquerors by His strength. No circumstance, no matter how desperate, can overcome the power He has made available to us. We can be Water Walkers in His strength.